I started a post about bruises on July 25th, after going to the Train concert and being reminded of their song I used to listen to so many times. I just couldn't finish the post. I couldn't get the words right, and I didn't feel the message I was writing was complete. After this past week, I have realized the message I wanted to send finished writing itself. The message played out in my life all week. Life isn't about just getting bruised and banged up, and going through the healing process. Getting bruised comes in so many forms...some of them good even!
When I was about 4 or 5 years old, my body was covered in bruises. All. The. Time. No, I wasn't abused. I was LIVING. My mom and dad spent hours at a time outside with me, holding onto the back of my banana seat bike and steadying me as I was learning how to ride all by myself. I don't remember training wheels back then. We didn't have helmets or knee pads to protect us. What I do remember was peddling maybe two or three rotations and falling down. OVER and OVER and OVER again. I would pick myself up off the ground, get back on my bike, and repeat the process for what seemed like hours. At night, before bed, I would inspect my new "polka dots" covering my arms and legs. Sometimes I would even poke at them to see how bad they hurt. (You can't say you've never done this to a bruise, I still do!) I was proud of those dots. I was active. I was learning something new. I was having the time of my life. I finally learned how to ride that bike, and even after mastering it at a young age, I would still occasionally peddle so fast that my foot would slip off the peddle and I would get the nasty razor sharp edge of the peddle slammed deep into the flesh right above my ankle. Those peddles had TEETH on them. You remember? So I would end up with cuts and bruises on both ankles or shins, even AFTER I knew how to ride like a pro. I don't remember complaining much about getting my body banged up. It was part of the process, and at that age, bruises were proud distinguishing marks about how much fun you were having.
If you've known me for any length of time, I'm sure you've seen bruises on my body. I still get them. OFTEN. I am not the most graceful person sometimes. During my week in Louisville, Kentucky with Emily and several others from SkillsUSA this summer, I left the amusement park with some HUGE bruises...thanks to getting slammed into the side rails of rides, and just running into random things at the park.Yes, I even poked at a really big one on my leg to see the depth of pain associated with it. These bruises were well earned. I had a blast that day. Right now I am sporting some serious bruises on my legs from dancing last weekend. Again, bruises gained in fun and well worth the ugly marks. My friend Sylvia is a pole artist. She is covered in bruises from her workouts. She has earned every single one of them.They are badges of distinction she has earned through hard work and determination. I just joined Inner Diva again, and am positive I will be earning many more bruises once I start up classes again this weekend. I want every one of them to mean something. I'm learning, I'm growing, and I will be getting stronger.
Now let me bring up the bruises you can't see me covered in. Internal bruising. Heart damage, pride, self esteem, and ego. Other people can't see these marks that have been inflicted. Some are self inflicted, others were caused by actions or words from others, just like external ones that come from actions of others. These "dots" can't be seen, but they can still be felt, and poked at, just like the black and blue ones. Sometimes we choose to continue to poke at ourselves and see the level of pain each one may cause. These seem to heal slower than the visible ones. But, you know what? You don't have to poke them. The less you poke, the faster they heal. You know how each one got there. You also know that it's just a temporary wound that will go away if you leave it alone. Appreciate the reason you got it, acknowledge the source, and let the healing process take care of itself. Others aren't aware of these because they aren't showing on the surface. It doesn't make them any less real. But again, I want every one of these bruises to mean something too. I'm learning, I'm growing, and I'm getting stronger...mentally and emotionally.
I love my bruises. I am who I am because of the hardships, the injuries, and the FUN that caused every single one of them. I'm not done getting bruised either. Life isn't over...it's just beginning for me. I still feel like I am at a point in my life where I am just learning how to ride that banana seat bike. There is a lot of life ahead of me that is new and yet to be experienced. But this post isn't all about me...I need my children to understand about bruises as well.
My oldest daughter is moving from Oregon to California next week, and chances are, she will be bruised from head to toe soon. My second oldest will be saying goodbye to her high school sweetheart when he leaves for college next week and she stays here to finish her last semester of college for her associate degree this winter. She will be bruised emotionally for a while as well. I need them both to appreciate these "dots" and grow from the experiences. I feel for them. I know there will be pain, fear and uncertainty in their lives for a while. But that is how we grow. We leave our comfort zone, and the goal is to come out the other side a stronger person. I pray they both learn this with grace and support from those around them. My son will be entering high school, quite possibly without his father in the same state. He bruises easily as well...both physically and emotionally. For a teenage boy, I can only imagine it won't be as "cool" to have the bruises that are invisible, even though he would brag for days about visible injuries. My youngest daughter is already covered with internal bruises. I'm so glad she will be leaving tomorrow for five days of church camp. She needs to learn, from someone other than me telling her, that she has the ability to heal quickly. She hasn't been permanently damaged by the events of the past year. All of them will hopefully look back someday and appreciate their bruises...every single one of them will have been earned for a reason.
I am happily bruised. I'm living life. I have marks to prove it. I am looking forward to more bruises in my future. I am going to push myself to accomplish things that really will leave physical marks, and I'm pushing myself to open up emotionally, putting myself at risk for more invisible bruises. There are events in life looming right around the corner that will be painful...parents are aging, good health is not a guarantee, and every day is uncertain what challenges we may face. So for now, I will appreciate everything in my life. Even my banged up arms and legs, heart and ego, and smile at the fact that I am living..life..to the fullest. I hope you are too. We all need to remember not to poke at our "dots" too much. They will heal with time.
