Who I Am

After you give this a listen, then you can continue reading...

So that's part of MY story right now.  No, I don't have a particular person in mind when it says "I was made for you" ...but someday...someday...I am going to feel like a million bucks, and I am going to feel like I was made for some one.  Right now I feel like about half a million (which is pretty phenomenal if you ask me!)  the rest of the song is spot on though. 

I have had a pretty surreal year.  I am enduring something right now regarding a legal issue that very few people know about. I am holding so much in, that if I really shared my stories, no one would believe me. I've sacrificed so much, conquered demons, faced fears, tackled problems, accomplished goals...so, so much...and yet I still have so much more to do. I have a perpetual smile on my face, hiding the ugliness that is contained inside still. I am not putting on a front...it is for protection.  For you to not see the real me yet. I don't have anyone else I want to tell, except the people who already know. 

This is who I am...

Brave, strong, determined, insecure, frightened, excited, depressed, fearless, restless, content and a mess. I have good days, bad days, fantastic days and terrible days. I feel loved and yet still very much alone. I long for a constant companion to complete me but need my independence and freedom so I don't give up control to someone who may hurt me. I want control, but I want someone to take care of me. 

Sounds simple enough doesn't it? 

This is WHO I AM. This is WHO I HAVE BECOME. This is not WHO I WILL BE TOMORROW. 

Tomorrow I will be mom, soothing the aches and pains of her children, sharing in their joys and laughter, cooking, cleaning, carrying on with the perpetual smile and ever ready sense of humor and sarcasm. I am that divorced woman who is doing quite well for herself. I am the woman with lines across her face, the one that will sacrifice time, love, money and self to feel that connection with you...only to find out, it's not there. 

Who I am, I am a little of everything...waiting, just waiting for a directional sign, ANY SIGN, to see where life's adventure will take me next.  Please, LIFE, be kind.

THE STORY - Brandi Carlile

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true... I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do and I was made for you