Creating Calm

So today was one of those days. I didn't feel like I accomplished much at work. My motivation was lacking, but I stayed busy all day. Most of us at the office worked through lunch. I had tons of phone calls to return and didn't get to all of them, so I'm sure there will be a few calls tomorrow that I'll have to deal with unhappy patients. It was one of those days where I really felt like I did the best I could, but it wasn't good enough. I don't enjoy that feeling. I don't like my gut being unhappy with me. 

After work I took my son to personally deliver the fundraising cards he has sold so far, because this is his fundraiser and not mine, I reminded him for the umpteenth time.  I had to stop by the "big house", where I used to live, and went inside and instantly became emotional (not in a good feeling sort of way).  I saw my dogs, or they used to be my dogs. They miss me, I can tell, and seemed confused as to why I showed up out of the blue. I fed them and their world went back to normal again. (food fixes stuff for dogs I guess).  I could tell by this time that making  dinner would be futile, so I drove through McD's for the two kids at home and dropped my son and dinner off and headed to Primary Health...

Three months ago I tripped going down stairs at work and jammed up my shoulder and wrist gracefully catching myself from breaking my neck. Okay, there wasn't anything graceful about it. Anywhooo, I was told I really should get it looked at since I still don't have range of motion in my left shoulder. So 7 X-rays and 75 minutes later I left with a referral to a specialist and appointment for an MRI to check out my rotator cuff.

I stopped at Albertsons for some groceries on the way home and when I pulled in the garage I had been away from the house for 13 hours today.  ON THE PLUS SIDE...the kids had eaten and I didn't have much to do!  Liz unloaded groceries while I loaded up the dishwasher and cleaned up. Then I received a violin lesson from her because I get to play in a parent concert at MMS at the end of this month. I'm glad I can read music...I can almost make sense of a string instrument...but long acrylic nails and violins were not designed to accommodate each other.  I'll keep practicing :)

But THEN...the most exciting and anticipated part of the day arrived...

BEDTIME.

It's late enough for kids to go down, yet early enough for me to get quiet time. I started a load of laundry, started the dishwasher, grabbed a candle, turned on the radio, got a big fluffy towel, filled bathtub with bubble liquid and ran the water for what seemed like an eternity. I am not one to exude patience. I am working on this. I kept checking the water temperature and waiting for water level to be high enough to soak.  I lit the candle, changed the radio station to trusty ol' Delilah, and continued to wait...and wait...and finally...enough water to get in.

The first thing I noticed was the water coming out of the faucet was tepid at best.  Hmmm, maybe a load of laundry and the dishwasher running was the most effective use of my time, but not the best for hot water in the bath planning.  I cranked that faucet up to what should have provided third degree burns and barely eeked out enough warm water to finish the bath. 

I love music. I play musical instruments. I was in band for 6 years and I love all types of music. I also love lyrics. I can forgive a lot of bad musical talent if the lyrics are good, and vice versa.  I was looking forward to what Delilah might have in her bag of tricks tonight with the big V Day looming. She did not disappoint.  Imagine Dragons, Miley Cyrus while she was still Hannah Montana innocent and not the lizard queen, Jefferson Starship, REO Speedwagon...some really good stuff...and all of the sudden....I realized how calm I was. 

REALLY CALM. Like totally relaxed. The bubbles were already starting to disappear. The water was less warm than I prefer, but the candle light and the music and the quiet and the water and the smell of the candle and the day just disappeared. My mind was blank. My soul was swimming. My body was shriveling up into prune state. I was an hour into my bath. AN HOUR. It was 10pm.  I don't know if I've ever stayed in a bath that long. I contemplated getting out and decided against it. The Music was still acceptable. Water had enough quality that resembled warmth I could tolerate longer. My limbs were actually limp and buoyant and I sunk down deeper into my thoughtless mind and kept it quiet there. Calm. Peaceful. I suppose this is how meditation feels, if I were to try it.  I'm much too busy of a person to give much thought to meditating...but in a bubble bath? I could see real promise in that. 

10:30 rolled around and I realized I was starting to shiver. The tepid water was now colder than room temperature. My wrinkled, waterlogged limbs were at their liquid absorption limits.  I exited the bath after a record 1 hr 32 minute soak.  I had never felt more relaxed before bed.  I made it into bed before midnight!  This is amaze-balls! 

Please forgive any typos you may find. My fingers still resemble raisins...

But the calmness it brought was all worth it.