3 Ring Circus in my head

I'm ready to meet new people.  Not just meet them, but get to know them.  I don't want to have relationships with them, but if you truly believe the phrase above, about everyone passing through our life for a reason, then why not meet new people?  I don't think everyone we meet will provide a profound lesson.  I don't believe we have to even keep the people we meet in our lives for very long. "Passing through our lives" is an important part of the message above.  

RING ONE:

Having said that I am ready to meet new people, I am definitely not ready to date. Socialize, yes.  Group activities, yes.  Do I have a fear of intimacy? Maybe. Am I afraid of getting burned? Probably. Do I trust people? Not very many. Am I ready for a relationship? No. At the same time I am realizing how incredibly lonely I am when I don't have anyone around to talk to, or activities to participate in, or work to do.  I am a social creature. I also think I might be becoming a bit high maintenance.

RING TWO:

I want a lot of attention lathered on me, and I want to be the only one that person is paying attention to.  I miss holding hands and being held and having my hair brushed from my face.  I miss romance.  I haven't been in a relationship that I've gotten spoiled in since high school/college. That isn't how it works "these days".  Everybody out there seems to be getting to know two, three, four or more people and becoming friends with them all.  Everyone gets a piece of the attention pie.  Casual dating and even more casual hook-ups. Everybody seems to be keeping their options open for the next better thing that comes along, or at least the best person to fill the void for right now.  The people in the dating pool that I know are either not looking for anything serious, or who say they aren't, but hoping they can change the man's mind after screwing with him long enough. What the hell is going on? Is everyone having a commitment crisis or just afraid to get hurt again?  Or just self serving?  What am I expected to do? Jump on the bandwagon and become part of the casual dating pool, no-strings attached, love me and leave me?  While I'm waiting years for what I'm hoping will be a Mr. Right, let someone be my Mr. Right Now? 

RING THREE:

I have NO plans of marriage in the future.  I also have NO DESIRE to spend my life alone. I'm scared I'll be rejected and I'm afraid I am going to scare away every man that steps foot near me. I have been trained over my lifetime to be motherly. Now I am supposed to separate that out and learn to not be overbearing. I want my independence, but I also don't want so much that I feel insignificant to the person I'm with.  I want the other person to have independence, but I don't want to worry about trust.  I have too many insecurities still.  I am not ready for this new era of dating where there is a flavor of the week, or month, and everyone stays friends for life.  I think I have just come to the conclusion that I am definitely NOT ready to meet people. Or even spend time with people. I should probably steer clear of all men.  I will be making another appointment with my counselor for Friday.

Thank you for helping me work through that. 

Brought to you by the nagging voices in my head, the letter X and the number 33. Additional sponsors are doubt, insecurity and panic.