Adapted from a post from my daughter "Signs You Have The Coolest Mom In The World"
SIGNS YOU HAVE THE COOLEST KIDS IN THE WORLD
1. Your kids aren't embarrassed to have their friends around you.
2. They respect your role as their parent first, friend second.
3. Your kids will come to you with their problems because they trust you to listen.
4. They don't get embarrassed when you cheer them on, sometimes loudly, at their events.
5. They let you in on their inside jokes.
6. They stick around long enough for introductions to strangers and listen to you brag about them.
7. They still ask you to do things that are inconvenient because they know you will do them.
8. They call and check in with you because they know you worry about them, too much.
9. They know how to behave and keep their word to earn your trust.
10. They make mistakes and take correction as needed.
11. They allow you to be a kid right along side them, and encourage your silly side.
12. Other adults compliment your children's behavior in public.
13. They have a wicked sense of humor, kinda like what you gave them.
14. Even when they are mad at you, you still know they love you.
15. When asked who their biggest hero is, they reply "my mom" or "my dad".
16. You can't imagine who you would be as a person if you hadn't had them.
17. You get to see some of your best traits living on in them.
18. They realize you are human and forgive you when you screw up.
I am truly blessed to see the above in combination throughout my four children. I work hard to make sure they know I will always be their biggest fan and their protector. I am so happy to see the hard work put into raising them is paying off. I am nowhere near the end of parenting though...I'll always mother them. I know this because I see how much I still depend on my own mother. I'm incredibly lucky to still have her alive and a part of my life. I have several friends who have been without their own mothers for many years, and I realize how much I take that relationship for granted.
I've noticed since I'm in a new house (not the house I lived in when I was married) I've had to create a feeling of home and provide a sense of security here as well. It's a challenge doing so...being the provider, protector, peace-keeper, authoritarian and good cop/bad cop all at once. There are times when I lack the sense of security and protectiveness that comes from having a man in the house. I'm learning it's not that hard to get through those times. It just takes me a moment to refocus and know that everything is going to be alright. A lot of that sense of security comes from within. The rest comes from having a friend that will remind you everything is going to be okay. Being mom, being myself, is enough for my kids. They trust me, they love me, and they know I always have their best interest in mind.
I have ended up having the kids more than half because of the school schedule and the fact we hate seeing them switch off houses in the middle of the week. I know they are getting less time than they are supposed to with their dad. It's not intentional for me to do that, and I do feel guilty about him not seeing them as much as he is supposed to be able to, but I know this stuff will work itself out. I'm learning that in order to be important to your children, you do not have to be physically present every day. I look at a lot of my friends in this situation. Some go a full week or two weeks or more between custody. Some won't see their kids for a month or more. Does this make that parent any less important in their life? Absolutely not. If anything, I think the time physically spent with your children becomes more important the less you see them. I can relate this to my daughter Elaine in college. I have only gotten to spend a few days with her since a year ago when I dropped her off in Coos Bay, Oregon. A few days in August, November and December. (Sorry if this is wrong Elaine)
There is always something going on in your kids lives. When you see them daily, it's easy to keep up on or at least, feel like you know what's happening. After a week away, there is a lot of news to catch up on. After two weeks away, even more has happened and you may not hear about most of it, just the high or low points. After a month, a disconnect seems to happen and you miss out on a lot of happenings and just get the major points. Longer than a month and that's when things get weird for me. I am thankful Elaine calls me and checks in and tells me events that are happening in her daily life. Soon Emily will be graduating and off to college as well. I am going to have twice the number of kids to keep up with, and still two at home to keep daily tabs on.
So, here's my advice... If your mother is still alive, call her. Keep her updated on your life. Don't make her sit around a guess what's happening or worry why she hasn't heard from you. If your mother has passed away, remember how much she meant in your life and go hug your own kids! Be present for them. If they are not with you, call them and tell them you love them. (I'll call you in a little bit Elaine) Either way, present or not, you are just as important to your kids, maybe even MORE important, than they are to you. I forget this myself sometimes. I get busy wrapped up taking care of daily tasks, and realize all they want sometimes is to hear I love them and I'm proud of them. Of course I feel that way. I just need to make sure they hear it more often.
And last but not least...
19. Because they are YOUR KIDS, and seriously, why wouldn't they be cool? Look at yourself!
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