Thinking outside the box (of girl scout cookies)

I've had the blues lately.  It's been a challenge getting a grip on myself and my emotions over a variety of reasons, some of which I can't share publicly until April is over.  I thought maybe some fresh air would do me good.  Today the weather was looking alright for a while, so I got my lawn mower from the X and went to town on my yard.  I finished mowing the front and back just in time for the rains to unleash their fury.  After coming back inside and cleaning up, I laid in my bed listening to the storm outside, and felt the one still brewing inside as well.  

Today is the first day of spring break.  The kids were restless and wanting to get out and do things, but we all just settling for lounging around.  I began thinking of the rainy day boxes that I made for the kids to keep them entertained when they were younger.  Then I really started focusing on my rainy day box.  Inside of it, hand written on slips of paper, ideas of things to do with a loved one on a cold, snowy or wet rainy day. Unfortunately, I will have to wait to use those slips of paper, but I can do something else for myself that may help me get out of my FUNK and from under this dark cloud that seems to be ever present right now.

I need my own box.  My shitty mood, lonely funk, empty hole in my heart box... Screw the rainy days ideas...it's spring and every other day it will rain and the slips in the box will get all used up.  I am important and I need to make sure I am taken care of properly in order to take care of my kids, and I can ONLY depend on me for that.  No same sex or opposite sex friend is going to make me feel better if I don't ALLOW myself to feel better.  I can make up excuses or deny the issues, but it really just comes down to a simple decision I have touched on before.  Am I going to CHOOSE to be happy or not?

I've done so many things...more new things in just a few months than many people do in years: painting, travel, dancing, performing, story telling, music, movies, cooking, dreaming... It still comes down to missing the one person I want to do all those things with, or at least come home to at the end of my busy day doing them.  I AM happy.  I'm just sad at the same time.

I will make my own virtual rainy day box just for me and these are the things I will fill it with:

• Memories of good times with friends
• Handwritten notes expressing gratitude to those who are helping me through hard times
• Favorite songs that make me feel better
• Photographs that make me smile
• A good book to read
• Phone calls to my parents and kids
• Meeting friends for coffee

After exhausting all of the above, there is always the option to nap...or just give in and open the damn box of Girl Scout cookies.