What do YOU want?

I spent all of last night and most of today with questions swirling around in my head, and the question of what I WANT was the biggest of them all.  This is a question that will have a different answer each time I am asked. Right NOW I want to go to sleep, but can't.  An hour ago I wanted ice cream.  Yesterday I wanted the answers to my life's mystery...where am I headed, how am I going to get there, and what will it look like when I arrive.  I WANT answers.  I feel like I NEED answers.  I can't handle the answers. 

Today I was able to talk through my thoughts and feeling with a friend and got what I wanted, and what I needed for the time being.  I'm not looking for answers anymore. I'm looking for the journey that will take me step by step through the next phases of my life.  I've recently taken enough time to analyze myself and the outrageous months I have been through.  I have been doing what I want (painting and dancing) and going where I want (Atlanta and Sandpoint) and spending time with who I want.  I've been keeping myself busy in order to avoid thinking about the real question that had been nagging me.  WHAT DO I WANT? What is my long term goal in my life after my kids are raised and it's just me out there?  

Before I can answer that big question, there's a little question to answer.  Am I happy? I am very lucky to be able to answer yes to that.  I have discovered that the reason I have been keeping myself so busy is my way to make sure I am doing things that make me happy. Here's the key to happiness:

You know, it really should be as easy as that.  If you're not happy, change something. It will be something different for everyone.  I want to make sure that the answer to that question of what I want will be answered with "I want to be happy".  I want to keep being able to answer yes to that question every day of my life. If ever I perceive that I am not happy, I will follow the chart above to get there. 

I know that if I keep choosing to stay busy with things that keep me happy, I will find what I need in all the other areas of my life.  I know the things that I need as well.  Friendship, trust, security, love, honesty and loyalty.  If anyone is lucky enough to find all of this with one person, I think they've hit the jackpot.  

I want to always say yes to the question, "are you happy?"

I want the jackpot.